Who is my first love?

"Boy meets girl, You were my dream,my world
But i was blind, You cheated on me from behind
So on my own, I feel so all alone
Though I know it's true, I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle, I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see, That you are made for me
I need a miracle, Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me, 

I need a miracle, I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see, That you are made for me
I need a miracle, Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

Day and night, I'm always by your side

Cause I know for sure, My love is real my feelings pure
So take a try, No need to ask me why
Cause I know it's true, I'm still in love with you"

Miracle by Cascada

my first love....huh. well it's no secret who my first love is but i think i have two. one more than the other but they're both very important to me. one i dated over the internet and the other was never anything more than a friend. here i go.

ok so the friend that i always wished was mine. i met him officially in the beginning of my eighth grade year through my sister (who dated him) their relation didn't last more than maybe two weeks like is common when your that young. but it was a opening door for me, his name is steven and i had liked him before my sister dated him and i still do but just not as much in the same way as in the past.  it started out with sitting together on the bus and talking. (my sister had started riding a different bus) it was nice getting to know the person i had always seen and wished i knew. we would agrue about whether zombies or vampires were better, had adventures with the others on our bus, and i would lean on his shoulder in the morning when i just wanted to go back to sleep. he was a great friend that i never thought could like someone like me, when i dated someone on our bus they both ganged up on me (in a playful way) and when we broke up he was there sitting on the bus waiting for me to sit down next to him. it was nice to know i had someone to sit with everyday i got on the bus.  one of my favorite memories happened in the spring when i had started going to his house to hang out and talk. i went over and i talked, he listened to my problems. as i was getting up to leave we hugged and he didn't let go. we ended up very ackwardly slow dancing in his driveway in the silence. i was worried about falling but it

was a great time. when we got to high school we still sat on the bus together and before my winter break he asked me out. i said no. i didn't want to but i thought it would be weird since he dated my sister and some of my friends. i think i still regret saying no because now i never know if we could have worked out. we continued to be friends he got a girlfriend the following year and i knew i had missed my chance but i still asked anyway during my junior year when they broke up. it broke my heart when he said no, and it took me a long time even after he moved away before i was able to be by him and it be comfortable as before. by change when i moved we ended up riding the same bus again. at first it was nothing like before, we didn't even talk. slowly we or i got used to it, we talked, then before i knew it we were sitting together again and i was leaning my head on his shoulder like old times. everyday my heart ached for someone who i had let pass me by and would never have but i smiled and was happy to just be friends. even started txtng again. i moved again even farther than before but still saw him graduate and that was the last time i got to talk to him. he's cut me out of his life for reasons unknown to me after all this time and i was sad but i'm moving on. he will always be a big regret in my life but i'm happy to know him.

my second love, though not as deep was for a year and a half. i can't remember how we started talking besides it just being the randomness of myspace but i'm happy i did. his name i found out is tyler and he is the sweetest guy i have ever known. he was always more concerned about me and what i wanted then anything else. it was the first time i felt like i had someone and felt anything back. i also talked to his younger brother online and they both became another family for me. his brother was nothing like him except that they both made me laugh and smile all the time. whenever thinking of his little brother robert i just imagine a puppy because he is as energetic as one and so innocent. tyler and i had a lot in common, we like a lot of the same things and he listened to all my crap and ramblings. he got along with a lot of my friends, he talked to my online ex who hated him and was still very polite because he knew i was still friends with him, he took everything i stride and was fine with whatever i wanted. the first time we broke up it was for something stupid just like the second but he wasn't mad, he didn't cus me out like some or make up lies. he just told me whatever i wanted was fine, we got back together and had many more happy months before i broke up with him the second time and last time. again he wasn't mad and he was still my good friend. he had no problem talking to the guys i dated, was friends with most of them and continued to be the perfect gentleman who said way to many nice things that made my heart flutter. he always told me he was my

guardian angel and would always be there for me, he would say he belonged to me. it was nice. i lost touch with him about a year ago after we both got older, had more in real life to deal with that getting on myspace wasn't very important. i was sad. a couple months ago i got on my myspace account to get something i had written to find he has sent me his email. i was so happy i sent him an email right away and looked him up on facebook. he still isn't one for social network sites and i haven't heard from him but i'm just glad there is now a someday. i send him messages that i never know if he'll read because i don't know if he'll ever get on but it's just nice to feel like he's still there for me and i have someone to write. he lives two states away and i'll always hope for the day i can meet him.

i lost both of my first loves but i'll never regret having them in my life. no matter how much hurt i've gone through from either one of them i'd rather have them in my life then have never met them at all. they both changed apart of me and i wouldn't be the person i am now without them there with me along the way. they were there for me in my darkest times and though i hope they someday come back into my life i'd be just as content with having them in my memory.