“I have great faith in fools -

my friends call it self-confidence”
Edgar Allan poe

it's a new year and i'm not sure what lays ahead but i'm going to try and be hopeful that whatever come in this new year will be good. i've had another hard year in 2011 but it's now all behind me and i'm ready to move forward. it's a lot easier to say your going to move forward then to actually do it and i'm sure it's going to be hard but tomorrow i think will be my official goodbye to the year. i have big goals, and i'm kinda scared of not knowing what is in the future but that's life for you.

i read something my friend posted about her year in 2011 and the hard times she went through. at the end of it i was in awe at all the things i didn't know was going on in her life. i like to think i'm there for all my friends and if they ever need someone to talk to i'll be there for them but i feel like i failed to be there for her. when i moved away in april i was sad to be going away from my friends but i try and see them. i've only seen her maybe twice since then and she seemed okay when i did. we talked for hours about our life and what we want to do in the future, what we regret of the past and everything in between. i felt like i had someone really listening to me for once, that wouldn't judge me or do anything but take it in stride and be there if i needed her to. i don't know why i couldn't do that for her.

i had a lot of new experiences this year and was confused about what to do most of it. i started to like a guy at this time last year and he disappeared on my only to come back and toy with my emotion in more ways then he probably knows. i'm saying goodbye to him tomorrow. i've had enough and i am going to move on. i've tried but truthfully i don't think i really put my all into it. i was fooling myself. telling myself it was over when i didn't believe that. now i do. i'm not as hot headed as i used to be. i've surprisingly learned when to hold my tongue and what battles are worth fighting because some things are just not worth the consequence. i moved from one school to another and found that change is hard but not impossible and i'm strong enough to get through my problems with going to school and seeing the people there. i found great friends that i hangout with every chance i get because we always have a good time. i'm finding my family and hoping it will last like i want it to. i found a friendship that i thought was getting lost and though it still seems to be on rocky ground i think it'll be ok. i even made a connection with my mother this year. i chose to go with my mother when we moved because i knew she was the one who would need me the most, and she does. i try to be there for her and she's here for me. it's funny how thing work out.

in the new year i'm hoping to grow more. i want to be happy and confident with myself and my appearance. i want to strive to make my goals even though i'll probably be complaining the whole way because i'm not as strong as the heroine's in an anime cartoon but i wish i was. i'm going to graduate high school with the best grades i can manage and try and have fun while doing it. life shouldn't be all work so i'm going to try and balance work and fun as much as i can. i'm going to start doing the things i love more like art and writing. i'm going to try really hard to be optimistic about my birthday and other holidays even though they tend to kill me inside. i'm going to try and remember the past with a light heart and smile on my face.  i'm hoping to cut more television out of my life. maybe i'll just say like two hours a day is good. i'm hoping to find more friends and have more good times with the one's i already have. i'm hoping for the best after i get out of high school and that i'll still have a place somewhere. i'm hoping i'll make it in college and figure out what it is i want to do with my life. i'm hoping i'll find someone to stand my by side while all this happens but if i don't then i'm not going to sweat it. i can be happy without having someone next to me can't i?