I've gotta make a stand
But I am just a man
(I'm not superhuman)
My voice will be heard today

It's just another war
Just another family torn
(My voice will be heard today)
It's just another kill
The countdown begins to destroy ourselves

I need a hero to save my life
I need a hero just in time
Save me just in time
Save me just in time

Who's gonna fight for what's right
Who's gonna help us survive
We're in the fight of our lives
(And we're not ready to die)

Hero by Skillet

i haven't written and what i did didn't seem real in a way. i've been busy. graduation, decisions, reconnecting with old friends, loosing others. High school is over and i feel more alone then most days. i don't have much to accupy my time. school and work took up most of my time with those few hours i could squeeze in with friends. it's not like that anymore, i have a lot of free time on my  hands and nothing to fill it. amber has a job now too so i can't just go over whenever and hand out with her, it feels lonely. i can feel the distance growing. i was very sad when she didn't answer her phone on graduation night. i just wanted to congratulate her and though i told her i would see her she must have forgotten me. it didn't help that she wasn't the only one who blew me off that night. aaron did too. asshole and one who i'm no longer keeping in my life.

taryn is gone. i can feel it. we're not going to see each other again. i guess our friendship wasn't meant to last. i thought i would and it was one of the hardest to let go of but you can only try so hard for so long to be apart of someone's life before it gets tiresome. i'm not going to try hard to be friends with someone who doesn't seem to want me in their life or apprciate me in anyway. i wanted to talk to her, i wanted to hangout with her. why else would i keep txting after she didn't answer, why else would i ask if she was busy and wanted to hangout? but we're going in different directions now, like so many our age she has gotten sucked into the party scene. i'm not like that. i can't be the kind of person she has turned into. a person who now drinks every weekend she can, someone shallow enough to yell insults and profanity at complete strangers because they think it is funny. i don't yell at my friends because they don't like what i'm doing and then not even remember it later. it's not me and never will be. it was hard but i'm sure for the best that we're i guess not friends anymore. can't say i didn't try.

i'm reconnecting with my friend tatiana. we were pretty much best friends for six years and then during our junior and senior years both our lives got very complicated. we drifted apart then stopped talking all together when i moved schools. we've managed to work things out. it surprised me when she said that she didn't think i would ever forgive her. it never really crossed my mind to hold a grudge, i don't know if i could have said that a few years ago. i've grow up a lot over the years and both me and tati have learned things through our experiences. we've grown in more ways than one and i think that is a big part of why we are able to see that the past is in the past and if we are able to have a future as friends that is great. we still get along really good and have both deep conversations as well as the shallow gossipy ones about boys and other girl stuff. she more on my level with nerdy stuff now which rocks. more into that in a bit. she's a hard worker and inspires me to have the strength to get through the things i'm going through.

my friend ariel was a good friend to me and my sister when  her twin sister arianna and us lived in neighborhood. we gave them the push they needed into things that i don't think they would have ever done without us. we all went on crazy adventures, they seemed more crazy back then but they are still all good memories. we "broke" into house that were being built. (in truth we just walked in the front door or opened a window) the houses were no more than cement floors and wood beams where walls would eventually end up. we had a funeral for dead mice we found in a cooler in the twin garage, and explored a very long dark tunnel for the first time together. a month or so ago was the first time in three years i had talked to ariel after they moved. we said we'd hang out over the summer and i made that happen. turns out we have a lot in common and have some shared history by coincidence.

it feel good when i'm with them. i feel less alone, and more like i have a life worth living. i feel grown up in a way. we don't do anything that exciting, just hangout. ariel has gone with me to run some of my erruns. they've both been with me at different occasions when my crappy car doesn't work and to my surprise neither one of them panicked even a bit but just took it in stride. tatiana and i didn't even let it ruin our day but instead just when on with it. i don't know what i would do without them right now. tati is even willing to take some kind of class with me over the summer.

okay on to lighter talk. I CAN'T WAIT FOR COMIC EXPO! i even took off work for it. this is the stuff about tati being on my nerd level more now also lol SO she is going with me too and i didn't even have to beg or anything. she's totally up for it! that was really unexpected. ariel sadly has to work that whole weekend, she's going to see if she can find someone to cover for her but it's unlikely. ariel was real sad about not being able to join us. amber's graduation party is that day. i figure it's a day for her and her family kinda like her graduation so i'm not going to attend. i'm sure she'll be happier with more family anyway. tati  and i are even dressing up to the comic expo. tati was at first going to go as catwoman but changed her mind to a chick spider man. catwomen would have been sexy but spiderman is kool too. i'm going as a chick Robin as in the boy wonder. Richard Grayson is and always will be the best Robin there ever will be. i've recently started an obsession with him and the cartoon Young Justice. i even made my own roleplay character for the hell of it. its on my random writing blog. the weird part and kool part is i'm not trying to like the comic stuff for a guy like i was with aaron. i genuinely like it and have a fixation on it for myself. i even bought some comics for the first time since 5th grade. (and damn am i glad i did. i met an amazing guy who i hope to see again and then make it a regular thing) all containing Robin in some form but i don't doubt that i'll expand my comic base.