" I've done everything as you say
I've followed your rules without question
I thought it would help me see things clearly
But instead of helping me to see
I look around and it's like I'm blinded

I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control

Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
I don't understand what you want from me"

 Out of Control by Hoobastank

When looking up the meaning of tatiana's name we came across it on urban dictionary. it sounded almost exactly like her. it was a bit crazy so we look my name up to.

meaning of Anastasia
"1.an extremely goddess like figure who boys will line up to tie her shoes for her. She has an amazing death stare and will not put up with being called a priss. Because she is a GODDESS

2.Usually a beautiful brown-eyed girl who is constantly in thought, always worrying, and always doing something wrong. She has both inner beauty and outter. She is very intelligent and taken for granted and used all the time. She's friendly all the time, like a hyper anime girl, but is put down for being different. She searches for love, but it never works out. She's truly a hesitant and shy girl. She gets by in life with great friends, but her friends are her weakness. If you know of an 'Anastasia' becomes friends with her she'll be a real sweet heart more than you know."

that's the definition/ meaning of my name. it's eerie how accurate it is. the part that stuck out the most to me were about the "death stare, searches for love but it never works out," and "friends are her weakness" these things are the most true about me. when i'm mad i do tend to glare at others, mostly my family. though i'm not sure if i believe in love or not i still search for it and it NEVER works out. I love the friends i make and think of my self a very loyal to them and always there when they need me, this really is my weakness. i will do ANYTHING for my friends if it is in my power. a lot of the time my mom is sad about my friends and how some of them treat me sometimes. my mom is always going on about how i do so much for my friends and when i need them i don't get the same treatment in return. i don't think about that stuff most of the time, there my friends and of course i'd help them. am i supposed to just say no? it's not in my nature, but to others and my mom the most it must look like i'm being used all the time. that my friends don't appreciate me like i do them. sometimes i wonder how much i mean to my friends, i've never been able to keep a lasting friend, was never the one invited places, am always the first to txt anyone, and the one easily let go. it make me sad sometimes but i can't change these things and because of that i'm not going to let them keep me down.

i'm tired of complaining and feeling bad for myself. so i have to pay for college myself, so i can't make a real relationship to save my live, so my car is crap, so i don't get everything handed to me, so i work really hard for what i do have, so there always seems to be one problem after another, so i have friend drama, so i feel lonely a lot of the time, so i don't like my job most days, so i need more money, so i have family drama, so i'm messed up in more ways then one and have issues, so i want to give up a lot of the time, so i wish i could make my mom's life happier, so i wont get to move out like i want, so i'm not happy with my body, so i have to deal with a lot, SO WHAT? SHIT HAPPENS. that's the real truth and i'm not going to let my problems get me down anymore. i'm going to be happier and appreciate what i do have. the good days i have, the memories i make now that will last forever, and i'm going to work toward a better future. I was meant to get everything handed to me because i'm strong enough to work for the things i want and need. i need to believe that, it's hard but on the bright side i haven't snapped yet so there's hope for me yet.