Today kinds sucked. i had two subs again. i'm so tired of having subs in my class, it makes it more boring than usual since we don't do anything really. the worst was a sub i had in my number theory class, so you know how normally a sub reads what your supposed to do then leaves you alone? OH NO, this lady thought she had to nag us all and look over our shoulder until it was done. i'm a very patient person but this lady was driving me crazy, i just wanted to hit her. i thought someone would! she kept coming up to my group to see if we finished and repeatedly told us its for a grade. woopdi frickin do! i have a A in that class i get it done. i think she thought my group was a bunch of delinquents by how we look because she didn't bother anyone else as much as us. so two goths and some preppy stuck up looking girls is my group and i.  i'll even admit one of the other girls is trouble but what proof does she have? she doesn't know anything about us or the kind of person we are. i hate people who are like that and only judge a person off of appearence. for the record i got my assignment done, we all did. how could we not? we had 45 minutes to do one worksheet! she didn't need t pressure us.



my other sub wasn't bad at all. well besides that i went to the library after school to check out practice ACT book cuz i'm going to take it on the 22nd and i want to study a bit for it. one of my teachers is so nice she let me borrow her library card so i could check them out because i'm having some complications with my own. so i  was all stoked to get them and found two other kool books that looked interesting but when i went to the little (its really not little at all) check out machine thing and put the card down it asked for a pin number. A FRICKIN PIN NUMBER! it isn't some credit! what the heck...i don't get it. i think that is the stupidest thing ever, and i'm not just saying that because i didn't have the pin. i think the pin thing went a bit overboard.....no not a bit its straight up wack! ugh, now i have to hope my teacher is at school tomorrow explain to her what happened and ask for the pin. then go to the library again after my classes are through before going back to the school for a running club i joined.

i love to run and when i do it i feel like i've accomplished something but the sucky part is i have ashma. it makes me sad sometimes because i can't run as much as others and then i feel kinda like a failure even though i know its not my fault, i've always been really self conscious about what others think and when i can't do as well as others at sports i feel even more self conscious. i don't think a lot of people even my close friend realise how much i worry about how others think of me or of being embarrassed. i do put up a tough front and say nothing bothers me but sometimes that's just not true. i had a hard time growing up and to get through it i pretended to be tough even when i just wanted to cry. i think having that attitude messed me up a bit, because now i feel crying is a weakness and almost never cry. i don't allow myself to cry and am always telling myself things don't matter when they make me sad or disappointing. i wish i could just put myself out there and not care but i just can't. damn.