"what if the devil was a lie?

what if god did not exist?

so, with all do respect

tell me what is death,

if life is just a bitch."

I had a sub for my number theory class and had nothing to do, somehow two others girls and i ended up talking about religion. one of the girls i was talking to is a Universalist meaning she takes what she likes from each religion and follows that, the other girl was Catholic. When people used to ask me what my religion was i would automatically answer that i was Wiccan, i never thought it was any other way. now i'm not sure what i am. when people ask me now i hesitate before saying Wiccan, it's only a few seconds but in those few seconds i wonder "am i really?" i don't believe there is a god or the devil, my belief of the bible really is that some guys wanted more control then they already had over women and came up with that. i can't be to critical because i haven't read the whole bible, i tried but after getting ten pages in it made me too mad to want to continue. i read most of the revolution but just haven't gotten around to reading the rest. i listen to the christian rock radio station every morning and i hear how much people are devoted to the biblical god and how faithful they are. i wish i could believe in something with so much unyielding faith. i don't think i'm capable of believing in something that much, i'm constantly changing on the outside and on the inside as a result so do my beliefs. i do believe there is something i just don't know if i know what it is anymore.

i can't wait for Halloween, it's a Wiccan holiday but more than anything its just my favorite holiday. getting to dress up and be anything you want with no limits is just amazing to me, i wish i could dress like that everyday. if i could i would try to dress as something different everyday or at least every week since everyday would be hard. i know what i want to be for Halloween, it took me some time to decide but after watching way to much black butler i wanted to dress as Drocell from the anime. i did some research into what i would have to buy and half way through realized i'm a girl. so last night i tried binding myself so i would have a flat chest like a guy and i was sorely disappointed. it didn't work, you could still see my chest. damn. i did just use some scarves though since i didn't have any of that bindy stuff used for sprained ankles and stuff, maybe after i get that and a sports bra like amber said it'll work. wonder if i'd be a hot guy.....hope so. i had a friend once tell me i'd be a hot guy and she'd date me if i was lol hope i can live up to her expectations. if anything i still plan on dressing as a doll with my strings cut off. i think it'll rock! wish me some major luck! XD

along with dressing up i hope i can see as many friends dress up as i can. it would be a bonus if they were all at the same place with me...guess i shouldn't be picky though. i'll be happy with whatever i get. one thing that i must  do with amber though is go to the mall dressed up and take pictures at one of those picture booths. 

on the subject of pictures i need to print out the pictures i have of me amber, kam, and dulce so that i can put it into my photo album. at first my album was going to be my family but as i started doing it i realized there are a lot of people i put into it that i have lost touch with so its just a who is in my life at that moment that i consider MY family. family is more than just blood in my book.