"Walking down the corridor 

with tricks right up my sleeve,

bump into this girl that's on my floor, 

she just want to see 

what would it be like to hold hands 

with someone dark?

who would have known you don't

need a wand to start a spark?"

Wizard Love - Meekakitty feat. Heyhihello

okay it's been a week...i wanted to blog all last week but didn't have the time or will power to do it. mostly school was taking up my time. i had a paper due and this pandora's box thing. the box was pretty kool, though time consuming. we had to make our own pandora's box. the outside had things that we liked and on the inside we had to turn the good things into bad stuff, it's easier said than done. i had vampires, japan, books, nature, chess, ipod, computer, and cosplay (i drew amber, dulce, and myself in naruto cosplay XD as naruto, sasuke, and kiba) i can't wait to get it back so that i can scan it onto the computer and so i can post it here and on my deviant. it's not great but i think it's still nice. not to mention they don't really look like us at all, and come to think of it i didn't draw amber in her outfit >.< just great.

besides that it was nice to have a short week at school. fitness club sucks but it makes me feel good so i'm going to keep going even though i feel as if i'll die in the process of it all. i wish i had some friends or something there with me. that would make it much more fun. the running is starting to help with my asthma or at least i think so. i want to get as good as the guys. i'm very competitive so i hate that i can't keep up with the others, especially the guys. i'm going to change that. lol

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wednesday, all out sucked. i went to the store with my mom and we got into a argument. so she misses my little brother which is understandable, and wanted to ask him to come over for thanksgiving or something like that so she could spend time with him and i was trying to tell her not to get her hopes up because of how last time went. i wasn't trying to be mean i just didn't want her to be completely crushed if he didn't want to come over. the last time my younger brother came to try and stay the night with us he didn't stay because he didn't feel comfortable. i tried my best but he just wanted to spend time with my mom and she wasn't spending any time with him. she was still focused on her husband and it seemed she was getting kinda ticked when my brother was around. he didn't want to stay and i told him if he didn't feel comfortable then he didnt have to stay. i just want him to be happy where ever that is it doesn't matter to me as long as he's happy. my mom didn't seem to get it and blew up at me. she says its not her fault that things are the way they are but with this one it kinda seems to be. she gets sad that he doesn't want to come but i understand where he's coming from. i wouldn't want to go to see someone's just to have them pretty much brush me off.

on the topic of brothers i miss my older brother. i haven't seen him since july and i don't think i will for quite awhile. it kinda sucks that he lives far away. i wish he would come see me, he's always saying he will but they're just lies. he doesn't mean them. i don't like his girlfriend. i didn't mind her at first but after having time to get to know her i feel he would do better without her. granted he is NO WHERE near perfect and never will be but i want what is best for him. without her he would be more likely to come here and go to college, i really want him to go to college. i want him to be able to have a bright future, he's smart even if he doesn't see it. i wish he would stop smoking weed too. i don't like drugs and its hard when i see those close to me addicted to them and they can't see it. i've tried a few things but thats it. i'm not saying its horrid to experiment to anything but when you get to the point when you can't go a week, a day, or a few hours without having that next fix is when you obviously need help. i wish there was someway i could help him.

so i've been txting aaron. i can't help it, i like talking to him. he's not like other guys. i never know what he's going to say and love his view points. i miss him, though still not ready to see him. i wish he was here and don't. still wonder what to get him for christmas. wish we were closer BUT i realise i NEED to move on and find someone else. this happens when i haven't seen him for awhile, i get these little times of lucid thinking that is crushed the second i see him again. i'm going to try and hold onto my lucid moment as long as possible. lately i've been thinking about aaron and me and feel it won't work no matter how much i want it too. he won't let me into his life and it doesn't seem were going to get much farther. i think what's got me thinking about all this is my friends and those around me. a lot of my friends are in relationships and happy. yeah there are some small problems but when aren't there? i want that. i want a relationship where the other person wants to be with me anytime of the day, meet my friends because i love them, and can sit and play video games or watch a movie and enjoy it as much as making out lol some ppl (mostly my mom's husband) offer or say they'll hook me up with someone but i don't see them (mom's husband) finding me the right guy.

what kind of guy am i looking for? someone who gets me and excepts me for who i am. doesn't force me into anything, will be honest and be there for me. someone who wants to meet my friends and hang with us or have me hang with their friends. someone who likes to have an adventure, maybe go hiking or just get lost trying to find a store with me (happened to taryn and me when we were looking for leather pants for steven's birthday lol >.<  true story) umm....teach me something new, has there shit together, doesn't do drugs or anything more than smoking and drinking OCCASIONALLY (no addicts. not even weed) idk i don't want to sound all shallow but i do like rockers or scence-ish/ emo (to an extent) looking guys. i find it hot! lol but they better be fun enough to play twister with me and be convinced to cosplay lol (i will make them lol) i want us to have good times doing stupid crap lol ...........i don't think i'll find anyone like that or at least i haven't yet. guess that's why its a wish.....

SO amber 's birthday is this weekend. i got half her present and need to go to the store and get ribbon and something to put it in.its not big or anything i just want it to look nice :) hope she likes it. i'm not sure what time i'm going to her house on saturday, need to talk to her about that. can't wait! we're going to have a great time. so from what i hear its the main group; me, amber, kam, and dulce plus we're going to be able to meet dulce's boyfriend or i am. i think i'm the only one who doesn't know him. he has to be kool though, dulce likes him and i hear he enjoyed panty and stocking so he gotta be awesome!XD

on my way to amber's i need to stop at the dollar store. i need to buy a few hollow needles. i think i'm going to be doing a few piercings. one for an old friend (she said she changed her mind but i'm sure she'll change it back lol) and this girl in my class. the girl in my class wants a belly button piercing which is easy enough. i haven't done one but it's pretty straight forward. then the old friend wants a bridge. we'll see how things go.