"Colder than Ice
The World falls apart
Cold like a Stone
The spell on the Souls
Colder than ice
Your hand on my Heart
A world made of stone
Let tenderness freeze
Save the Fairyland we live in
Where all failings are forgiven
Feel like hunted by a Griffin
I fall down
Straight down"

Angelzoom-Fairyland

i remember when the things i used to worry about most was what others would think of me at school when i walked down the halls in a weird dress or my tripp pants. four years ago it was just me, my sister, my lil brother and my mom. the nights were lonely sometimes but mostly predictable unless my sister brought her friends jacob and craig over while my mom was at work. i would sit in my room or in the living room and hear my lil brother make godzilla noises as he played and wrote screen plays, engrossed in his own world that no one seem to touch. he was so young, we all were. school seemed hard but it had it's up sides. i had my friends and the guy i stalked until just a year or two ago. (yeah i can admit it now) nights were late and a lot of them were spent on the phone talking to dez, a person i have never met but is one of my closest friends. i used to lay in bed and just listen to his voice, we even fell alseep on the phone more than once.

my mom and i would sit on the couch late on her days off. i would have school the next day but it didn't matter because i just wanted to spend as many spare moments with her that i could. she worked nights so when she wasn't working she was sleeping. i sat on the tub when she got ready for work so i could talk to her and tell her about my life. i wanted her to be apart of it, even if it didn't seem she wanted to be or wasn't very interested in what i had to say. the times i remember with just her and me are nice. i remember her taking me to lunch at olive garden once, i don't even know what the occasion was, i just know i was missing school and we sat, laughed and had a good time at olive garden.

it was nice. i miss those days now as i'm growing up, and having a hard time in life. some day i miss them more than others, you should always be happy for what is going on in your life even if it doesn't seem that great at the moment. i wish i would have know that back then. i would have made every moment count, every touch, every word. i would have been stronger, and more willing to embrace new experiences.

i just miss it.

i keep thinking about how i'm going to support myself when i can afford to move out. idk. idk who will be there for me, and idk how things will work out. i still want to move in with some friends, hopefully amber will be one of them. whenever we hangout i feel at home, she really feels like a sister to me. all we really do is talk and that is plenty, we can just sit there and watch a movie but i want her to be the one i experience living on my own with and having an apartment. it would be even better if we could get a house with a lot of friends like ducle and shebly lol (i know tare wouldn't really want to live with me)  it would definitely be a unique experience.

i've also always wondered what it would be like to live with a bunch of guys. they're laid back most of the time and kool to hangout with but there are some down sides like a lot of guys have a cleaning issue lol a good example of living with friends and having a good time is the morganville vampire book series. granted they are attacked by vampires a lot and are always having problems with some "barbie" doll girls but the friendship they share is awesome.