"There you go, You're always so right
It's all a big show, It's all about you

You think you know What everyone needs
You always take time To criticize me

It seems like everyday I make mistakes
I just can't get it right

It's like I'm the one You love to hate
But not today

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down"

 Simple Plan - Shut Up

last week sucked. i got sick last friday. i shouldn't even be surprised that the day i go on my winter break is the day that i get sick. it always happens that way. what sucks it me and taryn were talking about getting sick earlier that day and how i always get sick in stupid ways. so my theory is i either caught a cold from my lil sister or it was from  not wearing a jacket outside after playing ddr on the walk to the car. from there it progressed into strep (again not even surprised) the first four days were total hell. my throat was so swollen i could feel my tonsils when i tried to speak which wasn't often. my throat hurt so much i wanted to cry but knew it would only make it worse. my mom thought i was mad at her so she avoided me while i really needed her to be a mom and be right there next to me while i felt like i was going to die. i tried blogging last week but i was so sick typing felt like to much work. i'm feeling a lot better now. my throat is still and swollen and sore but it's bearable.

my christmas stuff didn't work out. i was kinda mad at first, i'm okay now. i know it was stupid of me to be even a little ticked. it wasn't that we didn't make it to my grandma's it was just that i felt a bit led on. planning is hard and i was trying to stay informed and keep others informed on what was going on but i guess i should have asked more questions. i think what i made a big deal about was just that no one told me that our plans changed until almost the day i thought everything was going to happen. everyone has my number and i feel like no one thought to tell me. idk if they forgot or what and truthfully now it doesn't matter. i've calmed down, and i know i'm partly to blame.

you know christmas and my birthday are the hardest holidays for me out of the year. valentines is kinda bad too but i'm okay on that day. on christmas and my birthday i get really depressed. we did our christmas on the 24th with a total of 25 of us in the living room opening presents. it was loud, and obnoxious.  at the end of it i just layed in my messy room (compliments of my sister and me from being sick but she played a big part) and stared at my art portfolio from last year trying to figure out why i feel bad. i was thinking about it and i have a few theory's...i always face disappointment on these days, the family part of it doesn't sit well with me, i don't like the religious side of it (christmas), don't like crowds and loud places, and i'm just a freak. my mom saw me staying into nothing and when i told her that i just have a hard time with christmas it was hard to explain to her why, especially since i barely know myself. most years i sleep through christmas day. it's been like that for a few years not, and dez calls me in the evening and we talk about our failed day and everything on our minds. he didn't call this year.

i still hate work. but at least it's gotten my outta the house this week. i don't work again til thursday then possibly on sunday. i'm hopefully going to get off my lazy ass and look for a job i'd enjoy more. i want to star reading and doing art more again. me having to actually go to work has gotten me think more about what i want to do after high school and what i want to go to college for. i'm more confused than ever. i like writing but don't know if i could do it. want to help ppl maybe like a doctor, nurse, or psychologist but it a lot of work. am i willing to work my butt off? and i like art and computers, maybe something with computer graphics, like google, disney or something like that. i hear they have awesome work environments. i'm going to try hard not to sleep my damn day away tomorrow. more on everything later...........